Co-Parenting: Teenagers and Summer, Weekly Articles

I am pretty passionate about raising children with love, support and respect, no matter what your family may look like. That's how I raised my own two sons.  My second article was just published in LAFamily.com, LasVegasFamily.com, SouthBayFamily.com, SantaClaritaFamily.com and VenturyCountyFamily.com through Family Magazine Group.  Here's the link through the LAFamily.com edition: http://www.lafamily.com/marriage-and-divorce/co-parenting-teenagers-and-summer.

This second article is entitled Co-Parenting: Teenagers and Summer. It's a subject close to my heart, one that can be a real challenge and struggle in divorce situations. There are simple solutions and great tips that we can implement and follow through with to make the experience for both parents and our teenagers positive and peaceful. I listed five of them, and hope they will be helpful to my readers.

That's the goal I have in writing, to help those who are walking the path of divorce and post-divorce, so it might be less of a struggle, less of a drain, energy-wise.  My weekly published articles will be focused on family and child advocacy topics dealing with divorce. They will all focus on improving the family dynamics for both parents and children in divorced families.

My articles will be published and up each Thursday. I will post my weekly articles here each Friday, and hope they will be of help to you all.  Please share my articles with anyone who can benefit, use some extra support and encouragement.

Love your comments and insight, too. 

Writing for LA Family.com

 I am happy to announce that I am writing for LA Family.com focusing on articles dealing with children, families and co-parenting issues of divorce. With the divorce rate well above 50%, there is a great need for resources, help and advice on all things dealing with the consequences of divorce.

My passion centers around consequences that come to children in divorce, and what we as parents must do to minimize them. Learning, and having the tools we need to co-parent peacefully with our ex-spouse is critical for our children's well-being and their ability to trust us.

I've included the link to my first article, which was published today. It's entitled, What About Your Child's Voice?   http://www.lafamily.com/marriage-and-divorce/what-about-your-childs-voice

Please forward my article, and our blog to anyone who could benefit. You can also go to the bottom of my article and "vote" on how well you liked it, and also "like" it, share with your facebook and twitter accounts, etc.

Love your comments.

Co-Parenting Teens in the Summertime

The teenage years with my own two sons were really enjoyable, now cherished memories. Many parents told me to hold on and get ready for the challenging teenage years.  Those years never came with my boys.  I loved every minute of raising them.  However, I had a different kind of challenge called co-parenting.

I became a single, divorcing (key word, divorcing) mother at the fairly young age of 36.  I found myself co-parenting my boys who had just turned 6 and 10. I made a promise to myself and to God that I would put my heart and soul into raising, teaching and guiding my sons to adulthood. They were my number one priority, and number one responsibility in my life.  I never lost sight of this.

Now my sons are both raised, off on their own.  One has graduated from college, and is preparing for graduate school.  My youngest is serving a mission for our church, and will continue his education when he returns.  I am happy to say that my commitment and efforts to do my best as their mother and as a  co-parent were well worth it.

Here are some tips to help with your summer co-parenting plans. I know how challenging and emotional it can be to work out visitation plans. Hopefully many of you are able to work them out peacefully with your ex-spouses, but there are many who are not so fortunate.

1.  Give your teenagers a voice in what their summer plans will look like. What are their own plans for summer, do they have scout camp, dance camp, team sports, etc?

2.  Sit down one-on-one to decide what is best for them.  It is not about you, it is about your teenagers.  Have them write out what their commitments and goals are for the summer. Listen to and offer your supportive input.  Do your best, along with your ex-spouse, to work around your teenager's individual commitments.

3.  Talk with your ex-spouse about your teenagers summer commitments if you can amicably. Encourage your ex-spouse to come and participate in cheering your teenagers on with those commitments. It may be a scout camping trip your ex-spouse could possibly chaperone with your son, or coming to cheer your teenagers on in dance competitions or all-star baseball games, for example.

4.  Begin to encourage your teenager to use his or her voice directly with your ex-spouse.  It is very important for your own child's self-confidence and self-worth to speak directly to both of you parents. It may take some time for your ex-spouse to adjust to your teenager directly planning visitation, but it will increase respect between the two of them. Their relationship will improve, setting the tone for a long-lasting, healthy relationship in the future.

5.  You, as the custodial parent, will have the role of being supportive to both your teenager and your ex-spouse as they work out their plans.  If your ex-spouse attempts to bring you into the decision-making process, you simply remind him or her that you are there to offer support and cheer them both on in making their plans together.  After a few times of responding in this peaceful, supportive manner, your ex-spouse will not feel the need to reach out to you for assistance.

6.  Remind your teenager that you are there to be a support in their ability to make visitation plans with your ex-spouse.  This will build confidence in your child's ability to do so.  You are there to be the main support, to reinforce the importance of your teenager's voice with both you and your ex-spouse as plans are made, be it summertime plans, holidays, weekends, etc.

I implemented these tips with my sons, as well.  It turned out to be the best thing I could have done for them, their Dad and me as a co-parenting family. I encouraged my sons to share their own voices with their Dad, cheering them on to make their plans together with him.  It strengthened their relationship with their Dad, and  increased the amount of respect they now have for themselves and one another.

I encourage you, as co-parents, to stay close to your teenagers, cheer them on, and help them use their voices when planning visitation including summertime plans, weekends, holidays, etc.  Show your teenagers that they matter. 

Mutual respect for both teenagers and their parents is critical for a healthy, long-term relationship to be built.