Your Divorce: How Will You Get Through It?

It's that time again....time for my new article.  This week I focused on what's necessary and most important for you to "get through" your divorce. None of us have been given a road map of how to "navigate" through all the do's and don'ts, no one really tells us how to make it through. That's why I am so happy to be writing these weekly articles in hopes of helping others know a little more about how to "get through" one of the most difficult experiences one can have in life - a divorce.

Please feel free to comment, I love hearing your thoughts and good advice, as well.

http://www.lafamily.com/marriage-and-divorce/your-divorce-how-will-you-get-through-it

Your Divorce: How Will You Get Through It?

When you think about the "D" word, pain and heartache quickly come to mind. They say divorce does not kill you, even though it breaks your heart. You know what I am talking about if you've experienced divorce in your own life. The good news is that you will get through it, and life will get better. Time does heal all (or most) wounds. Taking good care of YOU is key.

Here are some tips to help you make it through your divorce.

Taking good care of YOU is key:
Taking good care of YOU, and putting yourself first is critical when going through divorce. It is extremely important to nurture yourself emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually in order to be able to make wise decisions, have the energy required, and the ability to focus on rebuilding your life and your children's lives. Divorce takes a toll on you in every way, so make sure you take good care of YOU first. It is critical to both yours and your children's wellbeing post divorce.

Consistency and structure for your children:
Keeping your children's lives consistent and well structured is critical. Children need structure in any situation. It is especially important to be consistent in divorce situations. Keeping your children's daily routines on schedule when it comes to sleeping, schooling, homework, extra-curricular activities, family time together, religious practice, mealtime, and time set aside to play with friends, etc will give your children the security they need and build their self-esteem. It's important for your children to know their own lives, responsibilities and interests matter as you rebuild your lives together.

Learning how to co-parent with your ex-spouse:
Learning how to co-parent with your ex-spouse can be very challenging. You've most likely never been in the position of being a "divorced parent" trying to figure out how to be a "co-parent." No one prepares you for this new title. Make an honest attempt to work out visitation plans together with your ex-spouse and your children. However, if that's not a possibility, seek out a "special master" or a professional who will help facilitate and teach you how to communicate successfully and peacefully with your ex-spouse when it comes to co-parenting. Check with your mediator, attorney or counselor for referrals. Continually improving your co-parenting skills as you work with your ex-spouse to raise your children in a positive environment is critical for your children's wellbeing and yours, too.

Replace pity parties with acceptance and gratitude:
Instead of having pity parties, replace them with acceptance and gratitude. Focus on all the good things happening in your life and the lives of your loved ones. We can all think of challenging, sad, difficult, tragic times. Life is meant to be a test to help strengthen us and gain compassion for others. Take the sadness you feel, and share what you've learned from your divorce experience with others who may be going through what you've been through. Be there to help others, and remind them that they are not alone; they will get through it. Life will get better post divorce. Remember that YOU hold the key to your own happiness.  Choose to accept your circumstance and have gratitude…it will be contagious.

Going through divorce is a refiner's fire, to say the least. It takes courage, never-ending endurance, a positive attitude, knowing you are not alone, and pure will-power to survive such a trauma. No one can fully understand what it is like unless they have personally gone through it. How you get through your divorce, and whether you choose to learn from it will be up to you. Taking good care of YOU, first of all, is key. You will then have the strength to take extra good care of your children, learn how to successfully co-parent with your ex-spouse and then truly accept your new life with gratitude.

Written By: Lisa LaBelle More Articles By This Author

 

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

Life After Divorce: Healing Emotionally

Here's my new article for LAFamily.com this week.

I think the advice I've shared applies to all of us as we go through challenging times. I hope you will share it with those you love and care about. 

Here's the link, as well. I would love you to scroll to the bottom and "like" it.  Please share your comments and thoughts, too :) 

  http://www.lafamily.com/marriage-and-divorce/life-after-divorce-healing-emotionally

 Life After Divorce: Healing Emotionally

Rebuilding your life post divorce is difficult. You are moving into unknown territory, beginning to live a new life without your spouse by your side. Some of us have children while others do not. Either way, it is a lonely time. Making it a priority to heal emotionally is key to your overall well-being and happiness.  As you heal emotionally, be sure to surround yourself with those you love and care about.
Here are some helpful ways to heal emotionally after divorce:
Leisure time is a must:
How you spent your leisure time before divorce will be different post divorce. Make it a priority each week to set up new ways to enjoy your leisure time. Read each night before going to sleep. Choose a book that will inspire you and lift your spirits. Meet your friends each week for a "girls night out" or luch. Taking time to connect face to face with them each week will give you something to look forward to, reminding you that you are not alone. If you have children, plan an evening each week to go together to a movie, have a picnic, go to the park to play, attend a cultural event in your community, etc. Planning positive, new leisure time activities for yourself and your family will lift your spirits emotionally, helping you heal.
Quieting your mind:
Taking time each day to quiet your mind post divorce will help you heal emotionally. There are many different methods and ways to focus on "just being." Daily meditation, yoga classes or doing yoga at home, Tai Chi, or going for a quiet walk are a few ways to quiet your mind and connect with your emotions in a positive way. By quieting your mind, you are able to gain control of the negative feelings, thoughts and fears you may have.  Being able to replace these difficult emotions with inner tranquility and peace will help you make great progress in healing emotionally.
Keep a journal, write it down:
 An important reason to keep a journal, especially post divorce, is that it gives you a way to express your feelings, getting your heart felt emotions out on paper. Venting your feelings and emotions in your journal is very helpful post divorce. If you have children, provide them with a journal of their own, and invite them to write their feelings down each day. Using this wonderful tool of writing out your emotions will help your heart to heal. You and your children will feel a greater peace and calmness, because you have gotten your feelings out on paper.
Laughter is good for the heart and soul:
We all know that laughter is literally good for the heart and soul. This couldn't be more true post divorce. Finding things to laugh about will do wonders for your emotional well-being. Laughter literally releases our pent up stress. Endorphins are released when we laugh, helping us relax and feel more peaceful inside. Watching a funny movie or video, being surrounded by people who love to laugh, attending a comedy club, and finding things in your own life to laugh out loud about will help your heart to heal and bring peace to your soul.
Exercise relaxes the body and mind:
Exercise will help quiet your mind post divorce. Going outside for a brisk walk, a run or bike ride, etc. each day releases endorphins, which help relax your mind. If you have children, take time to exercise with them, as well. Your choice of exercise will not only clear your mind, but make you feel better physically. If you suffer from physical ailments brought on by stress post divorce (headaches, upset stomach, backaches, depression), taking time to exercise each day will relieve these ailments. You will feel much better overall physically, mentally and emotionally, and so will your children.
Taking time for healthy leisure activities, quieting your mind, writing in your journal, laughing and exercising are all important as you move forward with your new life.  Rebuilding your life post divorce while implementing these healthy tips will help you, and your children heal emotionally.  One last reminder, be sure to surround yourself with those you love and care about through it all.

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Written By: Lisa LaBelle More Articles By This Author

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

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Our Pets and Divorce - My Latest Article

 The Power of Family Pets and Divorce

Can you see how important I feel pets are to us when we are going through divorce?  I have written about this topic once before, but felt so strongly about it that I wrote another article.  This one was just
published in LAFamily.com (and 4 other publications that also publish my weekly articles). I wanted to share it with you here on my blog, hoping to reach many more of you out there all over the world. 

I think our pets are a big part of our support system as we move through divorce, and then finally begin to heal and re-build our lives. They are such a blessing to us all.  I hope you enjoy my article, and I would love to hear your comments and thoughts about your own pets and what they mean to you.  Here's my article, enjoy:

If animals have been a part of your family's life, they will be especially important as you go through divorce. Your pet will be a great source of support and strength for you and your children. Pets have a special way of providing unconditional love. As you go through divorce, your pet will be a stabilizing factor letting you know that "everything will be okay."

Here are some helpful reminders about the power of pets during divorce

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Getting your zest back for life:

Your family pet will "be there" for you as you go through divorce. You will feel unconditional love and support. It has been shown that your family pet can help prevent depression, and provide much needed companionship. Periods of crying, not sleeping, and withdrawing from friends and family may be alleviated if you have a family pet to care for. You will feel happier if you have a family pet there to love you and your children unconditionally.

Pets and your health during divorce:

The positive power of pets on your mental, emotional and physical health is real. Studies have shown that having a family pet can lower your blood pressure, lower anxiety and improve your heart rate. Those who have family pets tend to have more consistent behavior than families who do not, because of the genuine unconditional love a pet provides. Pets have a way of calming us, which helps to decrease stress levels during divorce.

Your family pet still needs to be cared for:

You and your children will need to care for your family pet. This is a good thing as you go through divorce. It will help you focus on something other than yourself and your circumstance. For example, if you or your children are feeling sad, you will still need to feed your dog and take him or her for a daily walk. This sense of stability is helpful for you and your children during this difficult time.

Children and their pets:

Your children will receive great comfort from your pet as you go through divorce. Pets help ease the difficult transition children experience. The companionship, sympathy, and unconditional love children feel from their pets will remind them that they are important, special and lovable. Your family pet will lessen the loneliness your children may feel, as well as increase their ability to have empathy for others.

The power of pets will help you make it through the rough waters of divorce. Your pet is non-judgmental, loving, welcoming, comforting and accepting of you. These qualities are lifesavers as you go through divorce. The unconditional love, and companionship your pet provides will help you and your family survive divorce. Don't forget to add your family pet to your support system.

Here's the link to my article at LAFamily.com  http://www.lafamily.com/marriage-and-divorce/power-family-pets-and-divorce. You can follow my articles every Thursday, and read all my past articles there, too. Just scroll to the bottom of my article and  you'll see - "More articles by this Author."  Love you to "like" it, too :)

Thank You Nora Ephron, You Made Me Smile

I still cannot believe Nora Ephron is no longer with us. She passed away quietly. This past week her loved ones and those closest to her celebrated her life in Nora Ephron fashion...Each attendee received recipes of Nora's. That's right, her own cooking recipes. She must have planned it all, because it couldn't have come from anyone but Nora herself...She still made everyone smile, even on this day.

Nora was a great writer, screenplay writer, director, producer and cook. One of the first movies I remember most was "When Harry Met Sally." I love that movie, and still tune into it anytime I see it playing on my own television set. Such great messages of life, love, and relationships with her own sweet humor added into the perfect mix.

Another one of my favorite movies was "Julie and Julia," the wonderful movie based on Julia Child's rise to fame, and one young cook's desire to be the kind of chef/cook Julia came to be. Perfect casting with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams starring as Julia and Julie. Nora both wrote and directed this delicious film.

"You've Got Mail," and "Sleepless in Seattle" were two additional great movies that Nora both directed and wrote the screenplays for. Again so tastefully written with love being at the core of her themes. Nora's humor was so brilliantly included, as well.

When I went through my own painful divorce, I found that movies like Nora's lifted my spirits, taking me away to happier places while reminding me that there can be love again. I still believe that, and I will always be grateful to screenplay writers and directors like Nora who made me smile through the storm. 

I always said if I was ever going to make a movie, I would want Nora Ephron to be the one directing it. I guess I will have to go on dreaming, because it will not become a reality in this life. Rest in Peace, Nora Ephron. You will be sorely missed; you already are by many.

Here is a short article from Huffington Post about Nora's services, including her sweet sense of humor.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/liz-smith/nora-ephron-celebrated-with-love_b_1663289.html.

Thank you for the memories, Nora Ephron, and for your work. It will all live on and on and we will smile.