Co-Parenting and Solutions for Sibling Rivalry

I'd like to share a new article I wrote for LAFamily.com this past week. It centers around the topic of sibling rivalry, and the effect divorce can have. I don't think we pay close enough attention to this area of concern for our children. I've re-posted my article here to share with you all, and welcome your thoughts, comments and your own experiences with sibling rivalry and divorce.

We all know that our children will most likely experience some level of sibling rivalry during their childhood.  Can you create an environment, and solutions at home that will positively support your children as they face potential sibling rivalry?

Here are some tips that will help you assist your children.

Family life as a co-parent:
Creating a supportive environment for your children as a divorced parent can be a challenge, especially if you are co-parenting with an ex-spouse who is not cooperative or supportive.  Keep doing your best to create a supportive, happy home life for your children. Your home is their peaceful place after busy school days, outside responsibilities, extracurricular activities. By the time your children are in their middle childhood years they will be spending significantly less time with you at home. However, you continue to be a major influence in their lives. They see you as the one who provides them with constant assistance, advice and unconditional support. Keep being there for them!

Sibling rivalry and co-parenting:
Siblings have a big influence on children during their middle childhood years. Their influence can be good, or it can be bad. Brothers and sisters can be a source of real strife, or great support, companionship and friendship.  Work with your ex-spouse, and agree on positive ways to create a consistent, supportive environment for your children, if possible. Consider setting up a mutual behavior contract that includes fair consequences for any negative sibling rivalry, and positive reinforcement for good behavior you observe between siblings.

Reasons for sibling rivalry between our children:
Sibling rivalry can occur in any home. Siblings can quarrel and compete with each other, and fight for attention from you as their parent. It can be most intense when your children are similar in age. Middle childhood aged children may not be able to self-regulate, or control their emotions very well yet. Be aware that as parents we can intensify their sibling rivalry by being perceived as favoring one child over the other. Do your best to be fair to each of your children; they notice everything!

Setting up a behavior contract for your children:
Set up a behavior contract for your children to follow which includes fair consequences for  negative behavior or sibling rivalry, and positive reinforcement for good behavior. Setting it up with your ex-spouse would be ideal, but may not be possible. Choose two or three clear rules for your children to follow. I would suggest sitting down with your children to choose the rules and consequences together. They should have a voice, and be involved in this important process.

Children love to have structure in their lives. This contract should include consistent consequences for their behavior as a family member.  Follow through with the consequences consistently for the sake of your children. Your home will become a more peaceful place.

Trying your best to be a divorced, single, co-parent is not easy. In many cases you are carrying the responsibility of two parents by yourself. Be aware that your children may be experiencing sibling rivalry. Creating a positive home environment for them should be the highest priority. One way to ensure maintaining peace in your home is to create a realistic behavior contract for your children to follow. As you consistently follow through with the consequences you all agreed to, your home will become your family's peaceful place. You will observe an increase in mutual respect between your children. Remember, someday they will thank you!

Co-Parenting: It Does Not End at 18......

This week's topic is one I am passionate about....

Co-parenting, family and child advocacy work within the realm of families of divorce is a passion of mine. I continue to write weekly or bi-monthly articles for HopeAfterDivorce.org, LAFamily.com, and two additional in the near future, focusing on these topics.  

Please check out our website, www.hopeafterdivorce.org for all the resources you need. You can find many of my own articles throughout, as well.

Communicating and sharing knowledge, background experiences and our own opinions of how to peacefully co-parent with one another is critical when it comes to giving our children a chance to grow up with as much security, positive structure and support at home with both parents. We can learn so much from one another.

I will always remind parents that children need both their father and their mother, unless circumstances are unhealthy and unsafe.

This week I am sharing an article I had published in LAFamily.com called, "CoParenting: It Does Not End at 18..."  Our children will always hope for us, as co-parents, to come together for special moments in their lives, no matter their age. My oldest son, who is 25, reminded me of this reality. I dedicated this article to him....he has always been wise beyond his years..

I welcome your comments and thoughts.

 

Co-Parenting: It Does Not End at 18…..

I was going to write on a different topic this week…that is until my oldest son shared something universally true. I quickly shifted gears so I could share this "teaching moment" provided by my own adult child. It is a good reminder for all parents, divorced or not, to listen to your children's voices. Many times they are wise beyond their years. As my oldest child reminded me in a kind way, co-parenting does not end when our children turn 18; just ask them.

Here are some helpful tips to continue co-parenting as your children become adults.

Co-parenting doesn't end when our children turn 18:

Co-parenting become easier when our youngest children are over the age of 18. However, it is a myth to believe that co-parenting stops then. Quite the contrary with our children's college needs, choosing their field of study, making important decisions as they step into the work force full time, dating and marriage, then come grandchildren, and all the special events that will continue to take place. It is necessary for you to accept the fact that co-parenting does not end, ever. Your role as parent, including co-parent, continues on in a less intense manner, but it does go on....forever!

Letting go for the sake of our adult children:

In a perfect world many would choose not to communicate with ex-spouses when it comes to co-parenting once our children turn 18.  It can be painful  to see, or talk to ex-spouses when there have been feelings of hurt, betrayal, sadness and loss. This is not a perfect world, so we need to find healthy ways of working through our emotions to be able to let go of the past. It is much easier said than done. Nonetheless, once we choose to heal and let go, we are able to able to work together as co-parents without the negative feelings surfacing every time an event or situation that brings us together occurs.

My co-parenting days are not over:

I was reminded this evening that my own co-parenting days are not over, even though my children are young adults. When they were in high school I remember thinking how nice it would be for them and us, as co-parents, if we did not have to worry about visitation, or balancing out the equal time our children spend with us during holidays and summer vacation. It was difficult and impossible to please everyone, especially during their high school years. High school aged children should have a voice to plan their visitation throughout the year due to their own busy schedules. They have commitments required to fulfill their own goals, they are actively involved in their school's extracurricular activities, they are developing their talents in preparation for opportunities in college. We as co-parents need to listen to our children's voices more, especially when they are in high school.

Hearing our adult children:

I presented an upcoming family event to my oldest son. It will require spending some time altogether with my children and their Dad. My oldest son said something so profound, yet simple, which was, "We kids still want to see you and Dad together at things." Key word was "together,' did you catch that? My son's simple words touched my heart and opened my eyes. He reminded me of how important it is for us, as co-parents, to keep working together for our children's sake even after they turn 18.  They still want to see us "together" at their special events. It woke me up to the important role I still play in working peacefully as a co-parent for my children's sake. Our adult children still have the desire to see us "united together" at special events in their lives. Continuing on to be the best co-parent we can be, no matter our children's ages, should be our goal for the sake of our children and for our own peace of mind, as well.

In conclusion, we may have thought that co-parenting ended once our children turned 18. False, it is a definite myth! Our adult children still need us to rally behind them, cheer them on and be peaceful co-parents in a supportive role as they continue on with their own lives. It is up to us to be their supportive and peaceful co-parent for life. Let's listen to our adult children when they share their desire for us to be "united together" at special events. I hope you will choose to be there for them. Be the best co-parent YOU can be for your children's sake and for your sake, too! They will thank you someday!

HopeAfterDivorce.org Has Launched!

                                                                         
Wednesday
Dec. 5, 2012

Big News today! Our website, HopeAfterDivorce.org (www.hopeafterdivorce.org) has launched! Come check it out, and see how resourceful and informative it is. It's the go-to resource for all things divorce, of which there is a huge demographic these days. Our site fills a need for individuals who are or have gone through divorce, as well as for divorce professionals (family law professionals, attorneys, counselors, life coaches, family/child advocates, etc.).

Check out our press release, which went out yesterday, and feel free to pass it along to those who could benefit from our resourceful site.

Here's our press release: http://www.prweb.com/releases/2012/12/prweb10196538.htm

 HopeAfterDivorce.org Now Receives Rave Reviews from the Divorce Community:

HopeAfterDivorce.org is a new content-based website with articles covering numerous divorce-related topics, a community forum, and the opportunity to connect individuals with divorce professionals.

We wish we had this site when we were going through our own divorces.

San Clemente, CA (PRWEB) December 04, 2012

The holidays can be a lonely time for many, including people who have recently divorced. Dr. Amy Osmond Cook and Lisa LaBelle, founders of HopeAfterDivorce.org, are hoping to change that.
“The idea for HopeAfterDivorce.org sprung from the feedback we received from our recently published book, Hope After Divorce,” Cook explains. “For the past few months, we have received supportive emails from readers who have appreciated the book’s message. One reader emailed that the book literally saved her life, and she keeps it on her bedside table and reads it every night. Lisa and I have been encouraged by the hope it has given readers, and we wanted to expand upon the message of the book. So we created a site that is easy to navigate with lots of helpful information.”
LaBelle concurs, “Amy and I both wish we had a book like this to guide us when we were experiencing our own divorces. When you go through the process, sometimes you feel helpless and hopeless. This website helps to affirm that a life of happiness is possible after divorce.”
HopeAfterDivorce.org includes new and previously published articles from experts across the country. Categories focus on relationships, finances, legal issues, children, and overall well-being. There is also a community forum where individuals can login anonymously to participate in online discussions about divorce-related issues. In addition, users can connect with panel of divorce experts specializing in various aspects of divorce.
A shopping cart with divorce resources vetted by our Hope After Divorce experts is also included in the site. They currently include Hope After Divorce, co-authored by Lisa LaBelle, Amy Osmond Cook, Ph.D., and Jennifer Cummings, Ph.D.; DIVORCE: Think Financially, Not Emotionally, by Jeffrey A. Landers, CDFA; and How They Stash the Cash, by Mark Kohn, CPA, CFE. HopeAfterDivorce.org is also represented on social media outlets including Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and blogspot.com.
Early users are giving HopeAfterDivorce.org positive reviews. One user responded, "I'm thoroughly impressed--all the tabs, articles, insights--this will benefit so many." Another user said, "It is easy to navigate with lots of great articles by professionals specializing in different important areas of divorce." Another summed up the experience with an enthusiastic, "It is awesome!"
Cook is the Publisher of Sourced Media Books, an adjunct professor at Arizona State University, and a weekly parenting columnist for the Orange County Register. LaBelle is an educator, a weekly columnist for LA Family Magazine, and a family and child advocate who recently spearheaded legislation updating child support laws in the state of Utah.
For a free listing in the experts database, please contact Lisa LaBelle at lisa.labelle(at)hopeafterdivorce.org. For media inquiries, please contact Kathy Osmond at kathy.osmond(at)sourcedmediabooks.com. To advertise on hopeafterdivorce.org, please contact Jeff Cook at jcook(at)cookcapitaladvisors.com. To become a content provider, please contact Amy Cook at amy(at)sourcedmediabooks.com.

**Please click on our press release and feel free to share it with others. The go-to site for all things divorce is finally here! 

Your Self-Worth and Healing This Holiday Season

  With the holiday season here I wanted to share the article I wrote for LAFamily and their 5 sister publications this past week. It has to do with healing and reagaining your self-worth post-divorce.  I hope you can gain some helpful insight for your own situation, and remember to take good care of YOU! Make this holiday season happy and joyful for you and your loved ones. I know you can do it! Your comments and thoughts are welcomed.

Post Divorce: Healing and Regaining Your Self-Worth

Healing and rebuilding your self-worth after going through divorce is a definite process. It's not an easy road to travel, and one you don't want to move through too quickly. The key word is "process," which means taking one step at a time. Someone once said, "You can't hurry wellness any more than you can hurry love without failing at both." Taking the time to heal your inner wounds, and rebuilding your self-worth takes courage and real commitment. You are worth it, so take the time to take care of YOU.

Here are some tips to encourage you to heal and rebuild your own self-worth.

Healing open wounds:
Taking the necessary time to heal your open wounds from divorce should be high on your priority list. Accept the fact that it will be a process, not something you can fix overnight. It takes courage for you to call these emotional wounds what they are, "open wounds."  You need to pay close attention to your emotional state.

Next, have the courage to acknowledge the emotions you may be feeling; such as, betrayal, shame, anger, sadness, abandonment, resentment, loneliness, etc. These feelings will not disappear if you choose to ignore them. Instead they'll build up, becoming toxic in your system. Being courageous enough to extricate them from your heart is when healing can begin to take place.

Your identity and self-worth:
Divorce can really throw your self-worth for a loop. So often when we're in an intimate relationship, such as marriage, a large part of our identity and self-worth is tied up in that relationship. When you go through a divorce, the level of being reliant on that other person (your husband or wife) for your own identity becomes obvious very quickly. It's a painful experience, bringing up fears you may have about yourself as an individual and being alone. You may question whether you can trust yourself to make better choices going forward, in terms of dating and possibly remarrying again. Doing the work to rebuild your self-worth as an individual first is critical.

Regaining your self-worth:
Regaining your self-worth after going through divorce is a must in order to heal. The definition of "worth" means to "be good or important enough to justify something, useful." Do you believe you are worthy enough to have relationships that matter to you, and a life that you love? Ask yourself these questions. I hope you answered with an affirmative "yes!"
Don't be afraid of singing your own praises. Acknowledge the positive traits you have as an individual. It's time to do the work to regain your own self-worth, and be comfortable with YOU. YOU have many talents to share with others and contributions to make to society.

At the end of the day it's all YOU:
At the end of the day regaining your self-worth is up to YOU. Choose to value yourself, and begin to love who you are. There are some important steps you can take that are fairly simple, but necessary. Take note of where you are relying on others for your own self-worth. You may still be looking to other family members, friends, your career, colleagues, etc. for validation.

Acknowledge your own talents, and remind yourself that you are worthy of love. Writing in your journal, and posting "positive affirmations" are two ways to help you begin acknowledging your own individual worth. Life is short, so don't wait any longer to begin healing. Be kind to you, and pat yourself on the back when you've accomplished even the little things each day.

Confide in a true friend, letting him or her know you are consciously working on building your self-worth. He or she can cheer you on, giving you added positive reinforcement. Use positive self-talk to verbally tell yourself throughout the day that you are good enough. You are worthy of love and happiness in your own life. Tell yourself each day that you believe in YOU and cheer yourself on. The healing starts with your own inner self-talk and positive thinking.  

In conclusion, having the desire and determination to rebuild your self-worth, and heal after going through divorce takes a lot of courage. It is the best gift you can give yourself and your loved ones. Make the commitment right now to take the time that's needed to heal your open wounds. Healing is a process, so don't hurry through it. Many times in marriage our identity is built into our marriage partnership. When we experience divorce, we have to renew and rebuild our own identity. It takes work, but in the end we learn that we are enough, that we have many talents to develop and share with others, and that we are worthy of love and happiness in our own lives. Take the time to take care of YOU, don't delay!

Written By: Lisa LaBelle  

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

Co-Parenting Through the Holiday Season

Sunday
November 18, 2012

Thanksgiving is upon us, so I wanted to share my co-parenting article with you. I address the tender issue of holiday visitation. It can be a peaceful process or an adversarial experience when co-parenting after divorce. Hopefully my article will give you some helpful tips as you and your children prepare for your holiday visitation schedules. Co-parenting together peacefully should be your goal.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and a Happy Holiday Season!

With Thanksgiving around the corner, it's time to make sure you have your holiday visitation schedule worked out with your ex-spouse. As co-parents you both need to keep your number one focus on your children. They deserve to have a voice when making your holiday plans. It can be done; and you will be wise to listen to their input. Your children need to know that what they hope their holidays will look like matters. Remember to have realistic expectations, and be a team player as you co-parent through the holiday season. Choose to make it the happiest time of the year for you and your children!
Here are some helpful tips to make your holiday planning a little easier and joyful.
Be realistic:
As a co-parent with children (up through age 18), remember to have realistic expectations. The holiday season can be an emotional, pulling-at-the-heartstrings time of the year for both you and your children where divorce has occurred. Take the time before the holidays begin (that means now) to talk with your children about holiday plans for Thanksgiving through New Year's.. Reinforce the reality that the holidays will look different than they used to. Remind your children that it will still be special, and you will be creating new traditions together. Remember to listen to your children's voices. Choose to be realistic, and also be grateful for the special times you will share with your children.
Communicate with your ex-spouse:
Communicating with your ex-spouse to finalize your holiday visitation plans and timeline is critical. It takes careful planning, and time to accommodate and work around one another's holiday plans, extended family gatherings, etc. Be willing to work with your ex-spouse, and show your children that you can work their plans out peacefully. Make it a priority to be a team player with your ex-spouse, so you can both make your children's holiday season special. There is no reason to be adversarial when co-parenting. The consequences of doing so are detrimental to your children's well-being and to your own well-being.
If you cannot communicate with your ex-spouse about holiday plans or visitation for your children, I highly recommend reaching out to a special master for assistance. A special master is an expert who assists adversarial co-parents in learning how to work together for the best interest of their children. Ask your attorney, mediator or counselor for a referral. A special master can be a real life-saver for you, your ex-spouse and your children.
Communicate with your children:
Take time now to sit down with your children, and talk about what they would like their holidays to look like. It is important for you to take their input seriously. Listen carefully to what they tell you, because your children are just as important in your family as you are. Their voices matter, too. Your children deserve to have their wishes, and hopes for their holidays honored by you and your ex-spouse. It is very possible to work out your holiday plans with every family member giving their input, then accommodating where needed, together.
Once you agree on holiday plans with your children, present the plans to your ex-spouse. Next, you and your ex-spouse will need to accommodate one another's plans as needed. It may take a few back and forth conversations or emails with your ex-spouse to finalize plans, but it will be worth it to do so peacefully.
Now for the details:
Once you've finalized holiday plans with your ex-spouse and children, it's time to start anticipating a wonderful holiday season. Start taking care of the details in terms of travel plans (if needed), daily plans for the time you will be spending with your children, special events and gatherings. Make sure your children are included in holiday gatherings with extended family. Usually grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins play a very important role in children's lives. Those relationships need to always be honored by you and your ex-spouse. Now sit back, and begin to enjoy a smooth, well-organized, and joyful holiday season with your children.
When it's time for your children to go spend time with your ex-spouse, be sure to have plans made ahead of time for yourself, as well. You don't want to let the lonely, tugging-at-the-heart-strings feelings set in with your children being away from you. Go do something nice for your extended family, a friend, a neighbor. Make plans to spend time with family and friends. Decide to be grateful for the wonderful holiday season, and the special times you shared with your children; have no regrets!
In conclusion, choose to make this holiday season (and future holiday seasons to come) a joyful one for you and your children. Remember the holidays are meant to be special with times spent together as family and friends. Be sure to make your plans together with your children, because what they wish and hope for matters, too! Take the time to communicate peacefully as a team player with your ex-spouse, keeping your focus on your children. It is very possible to make your holiday plans together, showing respect for one another. If you cannot, then reach out to a special master who will be a life-saver for your family. Remember the importance of extended family gatherings for your children. The holidays are meant to be the happiest time of the year. Choose to make it so for your children, having no regrets! YOU can do it!! It will be your happiest time of  the year, too!

Written By: Lisa LaBelle

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

...

Here Comes the Holiday Season

    I'm going to be posting recent articles I've written for LAFamily.com and their sister publications. My focus is on preparing for the holiday season, which is upon us now. Learning how to be a co-parent after going through a divorce can be taxing, frustrating, exhausting and trying. There are no "how to be a good co-parent" courses out there for us to learn from. I'm hoping my advice for the next month and a half will be helpful to you, and give you hope that you can be a good team player and co-parent, keeping your main focus on your children (listen to their voices). 

Here's my first holiday season article, enjoy. I welcome your comments, Happy Holidays to all! 

Here Comes the Holiday Season

The holiday season is a happy time of year for most of us, but it can also be a challenge. For those who are divorced, with or without children, it can be a very lonely time. You have some time to prepare yourself emotionally and mentally for it now. Take the initiative to plan get togethers with family and friends ahead of time. It will help ease the loneliness, and isolation that is all too easily felt during the holidays. Feeling anxious, or depressed during the holiday season is not unusual for those who are divorced and single. Remember you are in charge of how you get through it. You can turn it into a happy time of year by creating new traditions with family and friends.
Here are some tips to help you prepare for the holidays.
Beat the holiday blues ahead of time:
Keep your daily routine regular. Plan to exercise each day, eat a healthy diet through the holidays and get enough sleep. I know, you'll want to splurge in the food department with all the goodies, and holiday meals. Just plan ahead of time to keep it under control, you know what I'm saying. Keep it all in moderation, and plan to enjoy this time of year mentally and emotionally. The mind is so powerful. Remember you are in charge of your thoughts and actions, even when it comes to getting through the holiday season. Take time to have some quiet time each day by going for a walk, meditating, doing some yoga. You'll need to clear your mind each day as you prepare mentally and emotionally to let go of yesterdays holiday traditions. It's time to look forward, and begin new ones with family and friends. Be good to YOU!
You have support out there:
Remember that you have loved ones, and friends who love you. They will be there to support, and help you through the holidays. Do your part to reach out to them, and let them know you need them. Take the initiative to plan get togethers with them, as well. It will lift your spirits if you take time to serve your loved ones, and begin new holiday traditions. Plan ahead, and make time for family and friends who value you. Remember it is okay to say no if you are asked to do more than you can handle by friends and family. You are loved!
Focus on enjoying new traditions:
Don't put undue pressure on yourself over the holidays. You don't want to not acknowledge that this is a tough time. If you have children, you'll most likely be sharing time with them. This means you will be without your children part of the time, which absolutely pulls at your heart strings. Spend quality time with your children, and create new holiday traditions together. Prepare now to plan fun outings with your friends and family, especially during the time you are alone. Take the time now to plan, so you know what to expect. You can create new traditions that will be memorable and cherished times together. It will look different than it did in the past now that you are divorced. It will still be special, because you have made the effort to create a new holiday season for yourself and your children.
In conclusion, the holiday season can be a tough time of the year. For divorced spouses, and single parents, it can feel very lonely and isolating. Be sure to take the time now to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. Acknowledge the challenges that will come with sharing time with your children, and being alone. The sadness that comes with this is deep, so surround yourself with loved ones and dear friends. Let them be there to lift you up. Begin new traditions with your children, and cherish the time you have with them. The holiday season will look different than it did in years gone by. Choose to look forward, and make new memories that you will cherish for years to come. You can plan now to make this holiday season a happy one for you, your family and friends. Take the initiative, and be the one to plan get togethers. Be good to YOU, and surround yourself with those you love! It's up to YOU to make it a beautiful new holiday season!

Written By: Lisa LaBelle More Articles By This Author

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

Co-Parenting and the New School Year

The new school year is upon us once more. It's time to get our children back to their structured school schedules and extracurricular activities. I'd say it's an exciting time of year, but also a bit of a stressful time. That's where the importance of being the best co-parent, and mother or father you can be to both your ex-spouse and your children comes in.

Why your ex-spouse? Because you are both responsible for working together as a "team" to keep your focus on your children. They need you to coordinate their visitation time peacefully and altogether (including them in the decision-making process). Your children's commitments and talents need to be honored and respected. If that means working visitation times around their important commitments, then make your best effort to do so for your children. Remember, it's not about you or your ex-spouse, it's about your CHILDREN!

I am writing my weekly articles for LAFamily.com and their four additional publications, focusing on family and child advocacy.  Here's my latest article all about making that transition from summertime to the new school year. Please feel free to comment, I welcome your insight.

Co-Parenting: Getting Your Children Back to School

Alas, summer is over, and it's time to transition to new co-parenting schedules, responsibilities and supporting your children as they begin their new school year. Preparing takes time, positive efforts, good communication skills, cooperation and a lot of accommodating for everyone involved. Teaching your children these important skills by example will help them become peaceful communicators, as well. In terms of working out visitation schedules for your children, be sure to honor and respect their commitments as they develop their talents and work towards reaching their own academic and extracurricular goals. They need you, their parents, to cheer them on. Be willing to accommodate, and work around your children's important commitments.

Here are some helpful tips in creating a smooth transition for your children and their new school year.

Reviewing the new school year calendar and visitation planning:
Communicate with your ex-spouse in advance before school starts, making sure he or she has a copy of your children's new school year calendar. Every year is different, so it is important for you both to have a copy as you prepare to plan visitation and holidays, etc.  Set aside an evening to sit down with your children to review their new school calendar, additional commitments, and extracurricular activities before finalizing any plans. They need to be included in planning their own schedules, including visitation.  You are teaching them how to peacefully make decisions together, and reinforcing the importance of your children's individual lives.

Meeting teachers and volunteering:
As a cooperative co-parent, let your ex-spouse know who your children's teachers are.  If your ex-spouse is willing, invite him or her to attend Back-to-School Night with you and your children, or set up a separate time to meet with your children's teachers. This will be extremely important for you, as co-parents, to come together for the sake of your children and their education. Their teachers play a key role in working with you as you support, and help your children have a successful and positive new school year. It really is a "team effort" as you, your ex-spouse and teachers work together. Sign up to be a room parent or classroom volunteer. Take time to serve in your children's school. Being a volunteer will increase their sense of security and self-confidence. Don't let these special opportunities pass you and your children by.

Needs for the new school year:
Talk with your ex-spouse, and work hard to come to an agreement on a reasonable budget in order to meet the needs of your children as they start school. Their needs will include school clothes, school supplies, lunch money, sports gear for team sports, fees for music lessons, musical instruments, scouting, athletic or dance fees, and any other costs for your children's extracurricular activities and commitments. Do not make your children miss out on developing their own talents, because you cannot communicate with your ex-spouse. Special Masters are available to work with you, and your ex-spouse in developing your co-parenting skills. Take time to sit down with your children to review their goals for their new school year, and their various extracurricular activities they will be participating in. Remember to keep your focus on your children as you co-parent at all times, no matter what.

Emotional well-being:
Pay close attention to any signs your children may show of having a difficult time transitioning from their summer schedule to their new school year schedule.  Adjusting to new visitation schedules, and expectations placed on them, no matter what their ages, can be difficult.  Be very aware, and compassionate with your children as you help them make this transition. They may show signs of anxiety; such as, not sleeping well, loss of appetite, being quick to anger, not focusing or listening well, feelings of sadness, etc. Separation anxiety is also a common for younger children if they are not feeling safe and secure during this transition period. Taking time to help your children adjust, and transition peacefully will lessen their levels of anxiety, increasing their sense of security and safety overall.

Make every effort to show your children you are there for them as they begin their new school year. Setting up new visitation plans that work for you, your ex-spouse and your children is key. Your children's emotional well-being is critical, and needs to be your number one priority as you prepare for their new school year. Doing your part, as co-parent, to work out a reasonable budget in order to meet the needs of your children will reinforce how important their own lives, talents and commitments are. Taking the time to meet with your children's teachers and serving as a classroom volunteer will improve your children's sense of security and safety as they transition.  Communicating with your ex-spouse, and your children about their new school year is imperative. Agreeing on visitation plans together with both your ex-spouse and children is the ideal way to have a smooth transition from summer to a new school year. Remember, your children's emotional well-being, and educational success is dependent on you!

Written By: Lisa LaBelle More Articles By This Author

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

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