Your Self-Worth and Healing This Holiday Season

  With the holiday season here I wanted to share the article I wrote for LAFamily and their 5 sister publications this past week. It has to do with healing and reagaining your self-worth post-divorce.  I hope you can gain some helpful insight for your own situation, and remember to take good care of YOU! Make this holiday season happy and joyful for you and your loved ones. I know you can do it! Your comments and thoughts are welcomed.

Post Divorce: Healing and Regaining Your Self-Worth

Healing and rebuilding your self-worth after going through divorce is a definite process. It's not an easy road to travel, and one you don't want to move through too quickly. The key word is "process," which means taking one step at a time. Someone once said, "You can't hurry wellness any more than you can hurry love without failing at both." Taking the time to heal your inner wounds, and rebuilding your self-worth takes courage and real commitment. You are worth it, so take the time to take care of YOU.

Here are some tips to encourage you to heal and rebuild your own self-worth.

Healing open wounds:
Taking the necessary time to heal your open wounds from divorce should be high on your priority list. Accept the fact that it will be a process, not something you can fix overnight. It takes courage for you to call these emotional wounds what they are, "open wounds."  You need to pay close attention to your emotional state.

Next, have the courage to acknowledge the emotions you may be feeling; such as, betrayal, shame, anger, sadness, abandonment, resentment, loneliness, etc. These feelings will not disappear if you choose to ignore them. Instead they'll build up, becoming toxic in your system. Being courageous enough to extricate them from your heart is when healing can begin to take place.

Your identity and self-worth:
Divorce can really throw your self-worth for a loop. So often when we're in an intimate relationship, such as marriage, a large part of our identity and self-worth is tied up in that relationship. When you go through a divorce, the level of being reliant on that other person (your husband or wife) for your own identity becomes obvious very quickly. It's a painful experience, bringing up fears you may have about yourself as an individual and being alone. You may question whether you can trust yourself to make better choices going forward, in terms of dating and possibly remarrying again. Doing the work to rebuild your self-worth as an individual first is critical.

Regaining your self-worth:
Regaining your self-worth after going through divorce is a must in order to heal. The definition of "worth" means to "be good or important enough to justify something, useful." Do you believe you are worthy enough to have relationships that matter to you, and a life that you love? Ask yourself these questions. I hope you answered with an affirmative "yes!"
Don't be afraid of singing your own praises. Acknowledge the positive traits you have as an individual. It's time to do the work to regain your own self-worth, and be comfortable with YOU. YOU have many talents to share with others and contributions to make to society.

At the end of the day it's all YOU:
At the end of the day regaining your self-worth is up to YOU. Choose to value yourself, and begin to love who you are. There are some important steps you can take that are fairly simple, but necessary. Take note of where you are relying on others for your own self-worth. You may still be looking to other family members, friends, your career, colleagues, etc. for validation.

Acknowledge your own talents, and remind yourself that you are worthy of love. Writing in your journal, and posting "positive affirmations" are two ways to help you begin acknowledging your own individual worth. Life is short, so don't wait any longer to begin healing. Be kind to you, and pat yourself on the back when you've accomplished even the little things each day.

Confide in a true friend, letting him or her know you are consciously working on building your self-worth. He or she can cheer you on, giving you added positive reinforcement. Use positive self-talk to verbally tell yourself throughout the day that you are good enough. You are worthy of love and happiness in your own life. Tell yourself each day that you believe in YOU and cheer yourself on. The healing starts with your own inner self-talk and positive thinking.  

In conclusion, having the desire and determination to rebuild your self-worth, and heal after going through divorce takes a lot of courage. It is the best gift you can give yourself and your loved ones. Make the commitment right now to take the time that's needed to heal your open wounds. Healing is a process, so don't hurry through it. Many times in marriage our identity is built into our marriage partnership. When we experience divorce, we have to renew and rebuild our own identity. It takes work, but in the end we learn that we are enough, that we have many talents to develop and share with others, and that we are worthy of love and happiness in our own lives. Take the time to take care of YOU, don't delay!

Written By: Lisa LaBelle  

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.