I've been thinking a lot about the consequences of rebounding relationships shortly after divorce, and the negative outcome from being co-dependent.
It's a part of my weekly article that comes out tomorrow. I just touched the surface about these topics, but have so much more to share. I'd love to hear your thoughts about rebounding relationships right after divorce, and what you believe being co-dependent is all about.
I have a strong belief about having relationships right after divorce, because many of them are based on not wanting to be alone, so to speak. Time is not taken to really search down deep about what happened in your marriage, what part did you play in the unravelling of your marriage, what could you have done to make a positive difference if possible, and what did you learn from your divorce that will help you be a better spouse or partner in the future, once you have healed inside.
Love you to comment and share your thoughts on this big topic.
This new article I just wrote for LAFamily.com is all about co-parenitng as a "teammate" with your ex-spouse. I like this description, because we need to be a "team" together when it comes to parenting our children. And, our children need to know we are in it together to be the best mother and father we can be, even if we are divorced.
I know it's not possible in many situations to have a peaceful co-parenting experience. At least you can do your very best, and maybe, just maybe your ex-spouse will pick up on your excellent example and "join you" as a teammate to do his or her part, as well.
We cannot control anyone but ourselves, so it is up to us individually to be the best mother or father we can be to our children, and be a "team leader" for our ex-spouse. I do believe it can be contagious, and you might be surprised at the positive outcome of your peaceful example and leadership.
Remember it's not about competing with your ex-spouse to see who can be the "best mother or best father." You are on the "same team," so be the best parent you can be while being the best "co-parenting teammate" you can be, as well. Cheer each other on, it's all about your children!
Enjoy the article, and I'd love you to comment and share your thoughts. Love you to "like" it, as well.
http://www.lafamily.com/marriage-and-divorce/co-parenting-teammates-life
Co-Parenting: Teammates for Life
No one ever told you how to transition from being a married couple with children to a co-parent. Your marriage
did not work out, so here you are somehow being expected to magically
know how to co-parent with your ex-spouse, whom you most likely had a
difficult time communicating with, hence your divorce. No one gives you a play-by-play or a "how to" book on this most important topic.
However,
you are supposed to know how to do all the right things. Teamwork, and
slowly learning how to co-parent are key for your children's wellbeing.
Here are some tips to help you ease into your new role as co-parent.
Become the best mother or father and co-parent you can be:
Now that you are a divorced parent, there should be nothing more important than becoming a team player with your ex-spouse in parenting
your children, together, as a co-parent. Your children deserve to have
your unconditional love, and support no matter what your marriage
situation. It starts with you being fully committed to your new role as
co-parent, and being the best mother or father you can be.
Your co-parenting goal:
Your main goal needs to be to raise happy, confident, secure and healthy
children in your new role as co-parent. This begins with being
respectful of your teammate in co-parenting, your ex-spouse. You may
think it's impossible, but it begins with you and your own attitude.
Believe me, it's possible! It's the best thing you will ever do for your
children. They will thank you someday. You will see the positive
consequences from being a #1 co-parenting teammate for your children's
sake.
My children's father or mother:
Your
next important step in being a successful co-parenting teammate is to be
very aware of how you introduce people to your ex-spouse in front of
your children. For example, instead of saying, "this is my ex-spouse,"
say, "this is Sally's Dad." This way you are positively acknowledging
your children's father or mother, which gives your children reassurance
and security that they very much need after divorce. You are moving into
new territory with co-parenting. It's time to align your identity with
your child, not with your ex-spouse.
Teammates focus on one main goal together:
Now
that you are a co-parent with your ex-spouse, it's time to make sure
you are both on the same team. It's not about you or your ex-spouse when
you are co-parenting. It's about what's best for your children; keep
your focus on them. Don't try to be the "best parent." You don't want to
be self-serving and selfish. Your main goal needs to be working with
your ex-spouse to meet the needs of your children in a positive and
peaceful way, together.
You have an obligation to protect your children:
It
comes with being a parent; you have an obligation to protect your
children. Not all divorce situations are equal, and you may have a lot
of healing to do. Your children deserve your commitment to them, no
matter what. This includes being supportive of their relationship with
their mother or father, your co-parent. Make sure your priorities are in
line - Who matters to you most? Your children do, and you only have one
chance to raise them. It never comes again; once they're grown up
that's it. If you see flaws in your co-parent, don't highlight them
unnecessarily; take the high road for your children's sake. Do your part
to help your ex-spouse succeed as co-parent just as teammates do.
As
challenging as co-parenting can be in many situations, remember that
your ex-spouse gave you your children. For this reason alone you should
rally one another on as co-parents.
We
are all flawed human beings, and we cannot be perfect, even in
co-parenting. However, making the effort everyday to do our best, and
cheer each other on as co-parent teammates for our children should be
our number one and most important goal. Always remember that your
co-parenting best efforts are for the sake of your children. When it
comes to your children, you should want to be the best co-parent you can
be!
