HopeAfterDivorce.org Has Launched!

                                                                         
Wednesday
Dec. 5, 2012

Big News today! Our website, HopeAfterDivorce.org (www.hopeafterdivorce.org) has launched! Come check it out, and see how resourceful and informative it is. It's the go-to resource for all things divorce, of which there is a huge demographic these days. Our site fills a need for individuals who are or have gone through divorce, as well as for divorce professionals (family law professionals, attorneys, counselors, life coaches, family/child advocates, etc.).

Check out our press release, which went out yesterday, and feel free to pass it along to those who could benefit from our resourceful site.

Here's our press release: http://www.prweb.com/releases/2012/12/prweb10196538.htm

 HopeAfterDivorce.org Now Receives Rave Reviews from the Divorce Community:

HopeAfterDivorce.org is a new content-based website with articles covering numerous divorce-related topics, a community forum, and the opportunity to connect individuals with divorce professionals.

We wish we had this site when we were going through our own divorces.

San Clemente, CA (PRWEB) December 04, 2012

The holidays can be a lonely time for many, including people who have recently divorced. Dr. Amy Osmond Cook and Lisa LaBelle, founders of HopeAfterDivorce.org, are hoping to change that.
“The idea for HopeAfterDivorce.org sprung from the feedback we received from our recently published book, Hope After Divorce,” Cook explains. “For the past few months, we have received supportive emails from readers who have appreciated the book’s message. One reader emailed that the book literally saved her life, and she keeps it on her bedside table and reads it every night. Lisa and I have been encouraged by the hope it has given readers, and we wanted to expand upon the message of the book. So we created a site that is easy to navigate with lots of helpful information.”
LaBelle concurs, “Amy and I both wish we had a book like this to guide us when we were experiencing our own divorces. When you go through the process, sometimes you feel helpless and hopeless. This website helps to affirm that a life of happiness is possible after divorce.”
HopeAfterDivorce.org includes new and previously published articles from experts across the country. Categories focus on relationships, finances, legal issues, children, and overall well-being. There is also a community forum where individuals can login anonymously to participate in online discussions about divorce-related issues. In addition, users can connect with panel of divorce experts specializing in various aspects of divorce.
A shopping cart with divorce resources vetted by our Hope After Divorce experts is also included in the site. They currently include Hope After Divorce, co-authored by Lisa LaBelle, Amy Osmond Cook, Ph.D., and Jennifer Cummings, Ph.D.; DIVORCE: Think Financially, Not Emotionally, by Jeffrey A. Landers, CDFA; and How They Stash the Cash, by Mark Kohn, CPA, CFE. HopeAfterDivorce.org is also represented on social media outlets including Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and blogspot.com.
Early users are giving HopeAfterDivorce.org positive reviews. One user responded, "I'm thoroughly impressed--all the tabs, articles, insights--this will benefit so many." Another user said, "It is easy to navigate with lots of great articles by professionals specializing in different important areas of divorce." Another summed up the experience with an enthusiastic, "It is awesome!"
Cook is the Publisher of Sourced Media Books, an adjunct professor at Arizona State University, and a weekly parenting columnist for the Orange County Register. LaBelle is an educator, a weekly columnist for LA Family Magazine, and a family and child advocate who recently spearheaded legislation updating child support laws in the state of Utah.
For a free listing in the experts database, please contact Lisa LaBelle at lisa.labelle(at)hopeafterdivorce.org. For media inquiries, please contact Kathy Osmond at kathy.osmond(at)sourcedmediabooks.com. To advertise on hopeafterdivorce.org, please contact Jeff Cook at jcook(at)cookcapitaladvisors.com. To become a content provider, please contact Amy Cook at amy(at)sourcedmediabooks.com.

**Please click on our press release and feel free to share it with others. The go-to site for all things divorce is finally here! 

Your Self-Worth and Healing This Holiday Season

  With the holiday season here I wanted to share the article I wrote for LAFamily and their 5 sister publications this past week. It has to do with healing and reagaining your self-worth post-divorce.  I hope you can gain some helpful insight for your own situation, and remember to take good care of YOU! Make this holiday season happy and joyful for you and your loved ones. I know you can do it! Your comments and thoughts are welcomed.

Post Divorce: Healing and Regaining Your Self-Worth

Healing and rebuilding your self-worth after going through divorce is a definite process. It's not an easy road to travel, and one you don't want to move through too quickly. The key word is "process," which means taking one step at a time. Someone once said, "You can't hurry wellness any more than you can hurry love without failing at both." Taking the time to heal your inner wounds, and rebuilding your self-worth takes courage and real commitment. You are worth it, so take the time to take care of YOU.

Here are some tips to encourage you to heal and rebuild your own self-worth.

Healing open wounds:
Taking the necessary time to heal your open wounds from divorce should be high on your priority list. Accept the fact that it will be a process, not something you can fix overnight. It takes courage for you to call these emotional wounds what they are, "open wounds."  You need to pay close attention to your emotional state.

Next, have the courage to acknowledge the emotions you may be feeling; such as, betrayal, shame, anger, sadness, abandonment, resentment, loneliness, etc. These feelings will not disappear if you choose to ignore them. Instead they'll build up, becoming toxic in your system. Being courageous enough to extricate them from your heart is when healing can begin to take place.

Your identity and self-worth:
Divorce can really throw your self-worth for a loop. So often when we're in an intimate relationship, such as marriage, a large part of our identity and self-worth is tied up in that relationship. When you go through a divorce, the level of being reliant on that other person (your husband or wife) for your own identity becomes obvious very quickly. It's a painful experience, bringing up fears you may have about yourself as an individual and being alone. You may question whether you can trust yourself to make better choices going forward, in terms of dating and possibly remarrying again. Doing the work to rebuild your self-worth as an individual first is critical.

Regaining your self-worth:
Regaining your self-worth after going through divorce is a must in order to heal. The definition of "worth" means to "be good or important enough to justify something, useful." Do you believe you are worthy enough to have relationships that matter to you, and a life that you love? Ask yourself these questions. I hope you answered with an affirmative "yes!"
Don't be afraid of singing your own praises. Acknowledge the positive traits you have as an individual. It's time to do the work to regain your own self-worth, and be comfortable with YOU. YOU have many talents to share with others and contributions to make to society.

At the end of the day it's all YOU:
At the end of the day regaining your self-worth is up to YOU. Choose to value yourself, and begin to love who you are. There are some important steps you can take that are fairly simple, but necessary. Take note of where you are relying on others for your own self-worth. You may still be looking to other family members, friends, your career, colleagues, etc. for validation.

Acknowledge your own talents, and remind yourself that you are worthy of love. Writing in your journal, and posting "positive affirmations" are two ways to help you begin acknowledging your own individual worth. Life is short, so don't wait any longer to begin healing. Be kind to you, and pat yourself on the back when you've accomplished even the little things each day.

Confide in a true friend, letting him or her know you are consciously working on building your self-worth. He or she can cheer you on, giving you added positive reinforcement. Use positive self-talk to verbally tell yourself throughout the day that you are good enough. You are worthy of love and happiness in your own life. Tell yourself each day that you believe in YOU and cheer yourself on. The healing starts with your own inner self-talk and positive thinking.  

In conclusion, having the desire and determination to rebuild your self-worth, and heal after going through divorce takes a lot of courage. It is the best gift you can give yourself and your loved ones. Make the commitment right now to take the time that's needed to heal your open wounds. Healing is a process, so don't hurry through it. Many times in marriage our identity is built into our marriage partnership. When we experience divorce, we have to renew and rebuild our own identity. It takes work, but in the end we learn that we are enough, that we have many talents to develop and share with others, and that we are worthy of love and happiness in our own lives. Take the time to take care of YOU, don't delay!

Written By: Lisa LaBelle  

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

Co-Parenting Through the Holiday Season

Sunday
November 18, 2012

Thanksgiving is upon us, so I wanted to share my co-parenting article with you. I address the tender issue of holiday visitation. It can be a peaceful process or an adversarial experience when co-parenting after divorce. Hopefully my article will give you some helpful tips as you and your children prepare for your holiday visitation schedules. Co-parenting together peacefully should be your goal.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and a Happy Holiday Season!

With Thanksgiving around the corner, it's time to make sure you have your holiday visitation schedule worked out with your ex-spouse. As co-parents you both need to keep your number one focus on your children. They deserve to have a voice when making your holiday plans. It can be done; and you will be wise to listen to their input. Your children need to know that what they hope their holidays will look like matters. Remember to have realistic expectations, and be a team player as you co-parent through the holiday season. Choose to make it the happiest time of the year for you and your children!
Here are some helpful tips to make your holiday planning a little easier and joyful.
Be realistic:
As a co-parent with children (up through age 18), remember to have realistic expectations. The holiday season can be an emotional, pulling-at-the-heartstrings time of the year for both you and your children where divorce has occurred. Take the time before the holidays begin (that means now) to talk with your children about holiday plans for Thanksgiving through New Year's.. Reinforce the reality that the holidays will look different than they used to. Remind your children that it will still be special, and you will be creating new traditions together. Remember to listen to your children's voices. Choose to be realistic, and also be grateful for the special times you will share with your children.
Communicate with your ex-spouse:
Communicating with your ex-spouse to finalize your holiday visitation plans and timeline is critical. It takes careful planning, and time to accommodate and work around one another's holiday plans, extended family gatherings, etc. Be willing to work with your ex-spouse, and show your children that you can work their plans out peacefully. Make it a priority to be a team player with your ex-spouse, so you can both make your children's holiday season special. There is no reason to be adversarial when co-parenting. The consequences of doing so are detrimental to your children's well-being and to your own well-being.
If you cannot communicate with your ex-spouse about holiday plans or visitation for your children, I highly recommend reaching out to a special master for assistance. A special master is an expert who assists adversarial co-parents in learning how to work together for the best interest of their children. Ask your attorney, mediator or counselor for a referral. A special master can be a real life-saver for you, your ex-spouse and your children.
Communicate with your children:
Take time now to sit down with your children, and talk about what they would like their holidays to look like. It is important for you to take their input seriously. Listen carefully to what they tell you, because your children are just as important in your family as you are. Their voices matter, too. Your children deserve to have their wishes, and hopes for their holidays honored by you and your ex-spouse. It is very possible to work out your holiday plans with every family member giving their input, then accommodating where needed, together.
Once you agree on holiday plans with your children, present the plans to your ex-spouse. Next, you and your ex-spouse will need to accommodate one another's plans as needed. It may take a few back and forth conversations or emails with your ex-spouse to finalize plans, but it will be worth it to do so peacefully.
Now for the details:
Once you've finalized holiday plans with your ex-spouse and children, it's time to start anticipating a wonderful holiday season. Start taking care of the details in terms of travel plans (if needed), daily plans for the time you will be spending with your children, special events and gatherings. Make sure your children are included in holiday gatherings with extended family. Usually grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins play a very important role in children's lives. Those relationships need to always be honored by you and your ex-spouse. Now sit back, and begin to enjoy a smooth, well-organized, and joyful holiday season with your children.
When it's time for your children to go spend time with your ex-spouse, be sure to have plans made ahead of time for yourself, as well. You don't want to let the lonely, tugging-at-the-heart-strings feelings set in with your children being away from you. Go do something nice for your extended family, a friend, a neighbor. Make plans to spend time with family and friends. Decide to be grateful for the wonderful holiday season, and the special times you shared with your children; have no regrets!
In conclusion, choose to make this holiday season (and future holiday seasons to come) a joyful one for you and your children. Remember the holidays are meant to be special with times spent together as family and friends. Be sure to make your plans together with your children, because what they wish and hope for matters, too! Take the time to communicate peacefully as a team player with your ex-spouse, keeping your focus on your children. It is very possible to make your holiday plans together, showing respect for one another. If you cannot, then reach out to a special master who will be a life-saver for your family. Remember the importance of extended family gatherings for your children. The holidays are meant to be the happiest time of the year. Choose to make it so for your children, having no regrets! YOU can do it!! It will be your happiest time of  the year, too!

Written By: Lisa LaBelle

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

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Here Comes the Holiday Season

    I'm going to be posting recent articles I've written for LAFamily.com and their sister publications. My focus is on preparing for the holiday season, which is upon us now. Learning how to be a co-parent after going through a divorce can be taxing, frustrating, exhausting and trying. There are no "how to be a good co-parent" courses out there for us to learn from. I'm hoping my advice for the next month and a half will be helpful to you, and give you hope that you can be a good team player and co-parent, keeping your main focus on your children (listen to their voices). 

Here's my first holiday season article, enjoy. I welcome your comments, Happy Holidays to all! 

Here Comes the Holiday Season

The holiday season is a happy time of year for most of us, but it can also be a challenge. For those who are divorced, with or without children, it can be a very lonely time. You have some time to prepare yourself emotionally and mentally for it now. Take the initiative to plan get togethers with family and friends ahead of time. It will help ease the loneliness, and isolation that is all too easily felt during the holidays. Feeling anxious, or depressed during the holiday season is not unusual for those who are divorced and single. Remember you are in charge of how you get through it. You can turn it into a happy time of year by creating new traditions with family and friends.
Here are some tips to help you prepare for the holidays.
Beat the holiday blues ahead of time:
Keep your daily routine regular. Plan to exercise each day, eat a healthy diet through the holidays and get enough sleep. I know, you'll want to splurge in the food department with all the goodies, and holiday meals. Just plan ahead of time to keep it under control, you know what I'm saying. Keep it all in moderation, and plan to enjoy this time of year mentally and emotionally. The mind is so powerful. Remember you are in charge of your thoughts and actions, even when it comes to getting through the holiday season. Take time to have some quiet time each day by going for a walk, meditating, doing some yoga. You'll need to clear your mind each day as you prepare mentally and emotionally to let go of yesterdays holiday traditions. It's time to look forward, and begin new ones with family and friends. Be good to YOU!
You have support out there:
Remember that you have loved ones, and friends who love you. They will be there to support, and help you through the holidays. Do your part to reach out to them, and let them know you need them. Take the initiative to plan get togethers with them, as well. It will lift your spirits if you take time to serve your loved ones, and begin new holiday traditions. Plan ahead, and make time for family and friends who value you. Remember it is okay to say no if you are asked to do more than you can handle by friends and family. You are loved!
Focus on enjoying new traditions:
Don't put undue pressure on yourself over the holidays. You don't want to not acknowledge that this is a tough time. If you have children, you'll most likely be sharing time with them. This means you will be without your children part of the time, which absolutely pulls at your heart strings. Spend quality time with your children, and create new holiday traditions together. Prepare now to plan fun outings with your friends and family, especially during the time you are alone. Take the time now to plan, so you know what to expect. You can create new traditions that will be memorable and cherished times together. It will look different than it did in the past now that you are divorced. It will still be special, because you have made the effort to create a new holiday season for yourself and your children.
In conclusion, the holiday season can be a tough time of the year. For divorced spouses, and single parents, it can feel very lonely and isolating. Be sure to take the time now to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. Acknowledge the challenges that will come with sharing time with your children, and being alone. The sadness that comes with this is deep, so surround yourself with loved ones and dear friends. Let them be there to lift you up. Begin new traditions with your children, and cherish the time you have with them. The holiday season will look different than it did in years gone by. Choose to look forward, and make new memories that you will cherish for years to come. You can plan now to make this holiday season a happy one for you, your family and friends. Take the initiative, and be the one to plan get togethers. Be good to YOU, and surround yourself with those you love! It's up to YOU to make it a beautiful new holiday season!

Written By: Lisa LaBelle More Articles By This Author

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

Co-Parenting and the New School Year

The new school year is upon us once more. It's time to get our children back to their structured school schedules and extracurricular activities. I'd say it's an exciting time of year, but also a bit of a stressful time. That's where the importance of being the best co-parent, and mother or father you can be to both your ex-spouse and your children comes in.

Why your ex-spouse? Because you are both responsible for working together as a "team" to keep your focus on your children. They need you to coordinate their visitation time peacefully and altogether (including them in the decision-making process). Your children's commitments and talents need to be honored and respected. If that means working visitation times around their important commitments, then make your best effort to do so for your children. Remember, it's not about you or your ex-spouse, it's about your CHILDREN!

I am writing my weekly articles for LAFamily.com and their four additional publications, focusing on family and child advocacy.  Here's my latest article all about making that transition from summertime to the new school year. Please feel free to comment, I welcome your insight.

Co-Parenting: Getting Your Children Back to School

Alas, summer is over, and it's time to transition to new co-parenting schedules, responsibilities and supporting your children as they begin their new school year. Preparing takes time, positive efforts, good communication skills, cooperation and a lot of accommodating for everyone involved. Teaching your children these important skills by example will help them become peaceful communicators, as well. In terms of working out visitation schedules for your children, be sure to honor and respect their commitments as they develop their talents and work towards reaching their own academic and extracurricular goals. They need you, their parents, to cheer them on. Be willing to accommodate, and work around your children's important commitments.

Here are some helpful tips in creating a smooth transition for your children and their new school year.

Reviewing the new school year calendar and visitation planning:
Communicate with your ex-spouse in advance before school starts, making sure he or she has a copy of your children's new school year calendar. Every year is different, so it is important for you both to have a copy as you prepare to plan visitation and holidays, etc.  Set aside an evening to sit down with your children to review their new school calendar, additional commitments, and extracurricular activities before finalizing any plans. They need to be included in planning their own schedules, including visitation.  You are teaching them how to peacefully make decisions together, and reinforcing the importance of your children's individual lives.

Meeting teachers and volunteering:
As a cooperative co-parent, let your ex-spouse know who your children's teachers are.  If your ex-spouse is willing, invite him or her to attend Back-to-School Night with you and your children, or set up a separate time to meet with your children's teachers. This will be extremely important for you, as co-parents, to come together for the sake of your children and their education. Their teachers play a key role in working with you as you support, and help your children have a successful and positive new school year. It really is a "team effort" as you, your ex-spouse and teachers work together. Sign up to be a room parent or classroom volunteer. Take time to serve in your children's school. Being a volunteer will increase their sense of security and self-confidence. Don't let these special opportunities pass you and your children by.

Needs for the new school year:
Talk with your ex-spouse, and work hard to come to an agreement on a reasonable budget in order to meet the needs of your children as they start school. Their needs will include school clothes, school supplies, lunch money, sports gear for team sports, fees for music lessons, musical instruments, scouting, athletic or dance fees, and any other costs for your children's extracurricular activities and commitments. Do not make your children miss out on developing their own talents, because you cannot communicate with your ex-spouse. Special Masters are available to work with you, and your ex-spouse in developing your co-parenting skills. Take time to sit down with your children to review their goals for their new school year, and their various extracurricular activities they will be participating in. Remember to keep your focus on your children as you co-parent at all times, no matter what.

Emotional well-being:
Pay close attention to any signs your children may show of having a difficult time transitioning from their summer schedule to their new school year schedule.  Adjusting to new visitation schedules, and expectations placed on them, no matter what their ages, can be difficult.  Be very aware, and compassionate with your children as you help them make this transition. They may show signs of anxiety; such as, not sleeping well, loss of appetite, being quick to anger, not focusing or listening well, feelings of sadness, etc. Separation anxiety is also a common for younger children if they are not feeling safe and secure during this transition period. Taking time to help your children adjust, and transition peacefully will lessen their levels of anxiety, increasing their sense of security and safety overall.

Make every effort to show your children you are there for them as they begin their new school year. Setting up new visitation plans that work for you, your ex-spouse and your children is key. Your children's emotional well-being is critical, and needs to be your number one priority as you prepare for their new school year. Doing your part, as co-parent, to work out a reasonable budget in order to meet the needs of your children will reinforce how important their own lives, talents and commitments are. Taking the time to meet with your children's teachers and serving as a classroom volunteer will improve your children's sense of security and safety as they transition.  Communicating with your ex-spouse, and your children about their new school year is imperative. Agreeing on visitation plans together with both your ex-spouse and children is the ideal way to have a smooth transition from summer to a new school year. Remember, your children's emotional well-being, and educational success is dependent on you!

Written By: Lisa LaBelle More Articles By This Author

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

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Rebounding and Being Co-Dependent After Divorce

I've been thinking a lot about the consequences of rebounding relationships shortly after divorce, and the negative outcome from being co-dependent. 

It's a part of my weekly article that comes out tomorrow. I just touched the surface about these topics, but have so much more to share. I'd love to hear your thoughts about rebounding relationships right after divorce, and what you believe being co-dependent is all about.

I have a strong belief about having relationships right after divorce, because many of them are based on not wanting to be alone, so to speak. Time is not taken to really search down deep about what happened in your marriage, what part did you play in the unravelling of your marriage, what could you have done to make a positive difference if possible, and what did you learn from your divorce that will help you be a better spouse or partner in the future, once you have healed inside.

Love you to comment and share your thoughts on this big topic.

Co-Parenting: Teammates For Life

This new article I just wrote for LAFamily.com is all about co-parenitng as a "teammate" with your ex-spouse. I like this description, because we need to be a "team" together when it comes to parenting our children.  And, our children need to know we are in it together to be the best mother and father we can be, even if we are divorced.

I know it's not possible in many situations to have a peaceful co-parenting experience. At least you can do your very best, and maybe, just maybe your ex-spouse will pick up on your excellent example and "join you" as a teammate to do his or her part, as well.

We cannot control anyone but ourselves, so it is up to us individually to be the best mother or father we can be to our children, and be a "team leader" for our ex-spouse. I do believe it can be contagious, and you might be surprised at the positive outcome of your peaceful example and leadership.

Remember it's not about competing with your ex-spouse to see who can be the "best mother or best father." You are on the "same team," so be the best parent you can be while being the best "co-parenting teammate" you can be, as well.  Cheer each other on, it's all about your children!

Enjoy the article, and I'd love you to comment and share your thoughts.  Love you to "like" it, as well.

http://www.lafamily.com/marriage-and-divorce/co-parenting-teammates-life

Co-Parenting: Teammates for Life

No one ever told you how to transition from being a married couple with children to a co-parent. Your marriage did not work out, so here you are somehow being expected to magically know how to co-parent with your ex-spouse, whom you most likely had a difficult time communicating with, hence your divorce. No one gives you a play-by-play or a "how to" book on this most important topic.
However, you are supposed to know how to do all the right things. Teamwork, and slowly learning how to co-parent are key for your children's wellbeing. Here are some tips to help you ease into your new role as co-parent.
Become the best mother or father and co-parent you can be:
Now that you are a divorced parent, there should be nothing more important than becoming a team player with your ex-spouse in parenting your children, together, as a co-parent. Your children deserve to have your unconditional love, and support no matter what your marriage situation. It starts with you being fully committed to your new role as co-parent, and being the best mother or father you can be.
Your co-parenting goal:
Your main goal needs to be to raise happy, confident, secure and healthy children in your new role as co-parent. This begins with being respectful of your teammate in co-parenting, your ex-spouse. You may think it's impossible, but it begins with you and your own attitude.  Believe me, it's possible! It's the best thing you will ever do for your children. They will thank you someday. You will see the positive consequences from being a #1 co-parenting teammate for your children's sake.
My children's father or mother:
Your next important step in being a successful co-parenting teammate is to be very aware of how you introduce people to your ex-spouse in front of your children. For example, instead of saying, "this is my ex-spouse," say, "this is Sally's Dad." This way you are positively acknowledging your children's father or mother, which gives your children reassurance and security that they very much need after divorce. You are moving into new territory with co-parenting. It's time to align your identity with your child, not with your ex-spouse.
Teammates focus on one main goal together:
Now that you are a co-parent with your ex-spouse, it's time to make sure you are both on the same team. It's not about you or your ex-spouse when you are co-parenting. It's about what's best for your children; keep your focus on them. Don't try to be the "best parent." You don't want to be self-serving and selfish. Your main goal needs to be working with your ex-spouse to meet the needs of your children in a positive and peaceful way, together.
You have an obligation to protect your children:
It comes with being a parent; you have an obligation to protect your children. Not all divorce situations are equal, and you may have a lot of healing to do. Your children deserve your commitment to them, no matter what. This includes being supportive of their relationship with their mother or father, your co-parent. Make sure your priorities are in line - Who matters to you most? Your children do, and you only have one chance to raise them. It never comes again; once they're grown up that's it. If you see flaws in your co-parent, don't highlight them unnecessarily; take the high road for your children's sake. Do your part to help your ex-spouse succeed as co-parent just as teammates do.
As challenging as co-parenting can be in many situations, remember that your ex-spouse gave you your children. For this reason alone you should rally one another on as co-parents.
We are all flawed human beings, and we cannot be perfect, even in co-parenting. However, making the effort everyday to do our best, and cheer each other on as co-parent teammates for our children should be our number one and most important goal.  Always remember that your co-parenting best efforts are for the sake of your children. When it comes to your children, you should want to be the best co-parent you can be!
               

Written By: Lisa LaBelle More Articles By This Author

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

 

Quote of the Day

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." --Thomas Jefferson

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Your Divorce: How Will You Get Through It?

It's that time again....time for my new article.  This week I focused on what's necessary and most important for you to "get through" your divorce. None of us have been given a road map of how to "navigate" through all the do's and don'ts, no one really tells us how to make it through. That's why I am so happy to be writing these weekly articles in hopes of helping others know a little more about how to "get through" one of the most difficult experiences one can have in life - a divorce.

Please feel free to comment, I love hearing your thoughts and good advice, as well.

http://www.lafamily.com/marriage-and-divorce/your-divorce-how-will-you-get-through-it

Your Divorce: How Will You Get Through It?

When you think about the "D" word, pain and heartache quickly come to mind. They say divorce does not kill you, even though it breaks your heart. You know what I am talking about if you've experienced divorce in your own life. The good news is that you will get through it, and life will get better. Time does heal all (or most) wounds. Taking good care of YOU is key.

Here are some tips to help you make it through your divorce.

Taking good care of YOU is key:
Taking good care of YOU, and putting yourself first is critical when going through divorce. It is extremely important to nurture yourself emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually in order to be able to make wise decisions, have the energy required, and the ability to focus on rebuilding your life and your children's lives. Divorce takes a toll on you in every way, so make sure you take good care of YOU first. It is critical to both yours and your children's wellbeing post divorce.

Consistency and structure for your children:
Keeping your children's lives consistent and well structured is critical. Children need structure in any situation. It is especially important to be consistent in divorce situations. Keeping your children's daily routines on schedule when it comes to sleeping, schooling, homework, extra-curricular activities, family time together, religious practice, mealtime, and time set aside to play with friends, etc will give your children the security they need and build their self-esteem. It's important for your children to know their own lives, responsibilities and interests matter as you rebuild your lives together.

Learning how to co-parent with your ex-spouse:
Learning how to co-parent with your ex-spouse can be very challenging. You've most likely never been in the position of being a "divorced parent" trying to figure out how to be a "co-parent." No one prepares you for this new title. Make an honest attempt to work out visitation plans together with your ex-spouse and your children. However, if that's not a possibility, seek out a "special master" or a professional who will help facilitate and teach you how to communicate successfully and peacefully with your ex-spouse when it comes to co-parenting. Check with your mediator, attorney or counselor for referrals. Continually improving your co-parenting skills as you work with your ex-spouse to raise your children in a positive environment is critical for your children's wellbeing and yours, too.

Replace pity parties with acceptance and gratitude:
Instead of having pity parties, replace them with acceptance and gratitude. Focus on all the good things happening in your life and the lives of your loved ones. We can all think of challenging, sad, difficult, tragic times. Life is meant to be a test to help strengthen us and gain compassion for others. Take the sadness you feel, and share what you've learned from your divorce experience with others who may be going through what you've been through. Be there to help others, and remind them that they are not alone; they will get through it. Life will get better post divorce. Remember that YOU hold the key to your own happiness.  Choose to accept your circumstance and have gratitude…it will be contagious.

Going through divorce is a refiner's fire, to say the least. It takes courage, never-ending endurance, a positive attitude, knowing you are not alone, and pure will-power to survive such a trauma. No one can fully understand what it is like unless they have personally gone through it. How you get through your divorce, and whether you choose to learn from it will be up to you. Taking good care of YOU, first of all, is key. You will then have the strength to take extra good care of your children, learn how to successfully co-parent with your ex-spouse and then truly accept your new life with gratitude.

Written By: Lisa LaBelle More Articles By This Author

 

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.