Co-Parenting and the New School Year

The new school year is upon us once more. It's time to get our children back to their structured school schedules and extracurricular activities. I'd say it's an exciting time of year, but also a bit of a stressful time. That's where the importance of being the best co-parent, and mother or father you can be to both your ex-spouse and your children comes in.

Why your ex-spouse? Because you are both responsible for working together as a "team" to keep your focus on your children. They need you to coordinate their visitation time peacefully and altogether (including them in the decision-making process). Your children's commitments and talents need to be honored and respected. If that means working visitation times around their important commitments, then make your best effort to do so for your children. Remember, it's not about you or your ex-spouse, it's about your CHILDREN!

I am writing my weekly articles for LAFamily.com and their four additional publications, focusing on family and child advocacy.  Here's my latest article all about making that transition from summertime to the new school year. Please feel free to comment, I welcome your insight.

Co-Parenting: Getting Your Children Back to School

Alas, summer is over, and it's time to transition to new co-parenting schedules, responsibilities and supporting your children as they begin their new school year. Preparing takes time, positive efforts, good communication skills, cooperation and a lot of accommodating for everyone involved. Teaching your children these important skills by example will help them become peaceful communicators, as well. In terms of working out visitation schedules for your children, be sure to honor and respect their commitments as they develop their talents and work towards reaching their own academic and extracurricular goals. They need you, their parents, to cheer them on. Be willing to accommodate, and work around your children's important commitments.

Here are some helpful tips in creating a smooth transition for your children and their new school year.

Reviewing the new school year calendar and visitation planning:
Communicate with your ex-spouse in advance before school starts, making sure he or she has a copy of your children's new school year calendar. Every year is different, so it is important for you both to have a copy as you prepare to plan visitation and holidays, etc.  Set aside an evening to sit down with your children to review their new school calendar, additional commitments, and extracurricular activities before finalizing any plans. They need to be included in planning their own schedules, including visitation.  You are teaching them how to peacefully make decisions together, and reinforcing the importance of your children's individual lives.

Meeting teachers and volunteering:
As a cooperative co-parent, let your ex-spouse know who your children's teachers are.  If your ex-spouse is willing, invite him or her to attend Back-to-School Night with you and your children, or set up a separate time to meet with your children's teachers. This will be extremely important for you, as co-parents, to come together for the sake of your children and their education. Their teachers play a key role in working with you as you support, and help your children have a successful and positive new school year. It really is a "team effort" as you, your ex-spouse and teachers work together. Sign up to be a room parent or classroom volunteer. Take time to serve in your children's school. Being a volunteer will increase their sense of security and self-confidence. Don't let these special opportunities pass you and your children by.

Needs for the new school year:
Talk with your ex-spouse, and work hard to come to an agreement on a reasonable budget in order to meet the needs of your children as they start school. Their needs will include school clothes, school supplies, lunch money, sports gear for team sports, fees for music lessons, musical instruments, scouting, athletic or dance fees, and any other costs for your children's extracurricular activities and commitments. Do not make your children miss out on developing their own talents, because you cannot communicate with your ex-spouse. Special Masters are available to work with you, and your ex-spouse in developing your co-parenting skills. Take time to sit down with your children to review their goals for their new school year, and their various extracurricular activities they will be participating in. Remember to keep your focus on your children as you co-parent at all times, no matter what.

Emotional well-being:
Pay close attention to any signs your children may show of having a difficult time transitioning from their summer schedule to their new school year schedule.  Adjusting to new visitation schedules, and expectations placed on them, no matter what their ages, can be difficult.  Be very aware, and compassionate with your children as you help them make this transition. They may show signs of anxiety; such as, not sleeping well, loss of appetite, being quick to anger, not focusing or listening well, feelings of sadness, etc. Separation anxiety is also a common for younger children if they are not feeling safe and secure during this transition period. Taking time to help your children adjust, and transition peacefully will lessen their levels of anxiety, increasing their sense of security and safety overall.

Make every effort to show your children you are there for them as they begin their new school year. Setting up new visitation plans that work for you, your ex-spouse and your children is key. Your children's emotional well-being is critical, and needs to be your number one priority as you prepare for their new school year. Doing your part, as co-parent, to work out a reasonable budget in order to meet the needs of your children will reinforce how important their own lives, talents and commitments are. Taking the time to meet with your children's teachers and serving as a classroom volunteer will improve your children's sense of security and safety as they transition.  Communicating with your ex-spouse, and your children about their new school year is imperative. Agreeing on visitation plans together with both your ex-spouse and children is the ideal way to have a smooth transition from summer to a new school year. Remember, your children's emotional well-being, and educational success is dependent on you!

Written By: Lisa LaBelle More Articles By This Author

About the Author:

Lisa has a B.S. degree in Education, working towards her MS degree in Counseling. She's taught for over 25 years. Lisa is a family and child advocate. She's the co-author and co-editor of Hope After Divorce, published by Sourced Media Books. Follow Lisa's blog at http://hopeafterdivorce.blogspot.com, facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hopeafterdivorce and twitter @hopeafterdivorc. She oversees and contributes to www.hopeafterdivorce.net. Lisa is the mother of two grown sons who are her inspiration.

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