What About Your Child's Voice?

What about your child?  How do you keep the focus on your child when going through divorce?  Children, in many cases, are left without having a voice when it comes to divorce.  Instead of being part of the family where decisions are made together, children are left out. They commonly have no voice in the dissolution of their family, feeling powerless to help shape their future when it comes to co-parenting decisions. 

Below are 5 ways you can honor your child's voice.

      

1. When headed for divorce, you should come together with your child to tell him or her that you will always love them unconditionally.  Make sure to communicate that you will always be there, no matter what. Children need to verbally hear these two expressions on a regular basis, as well as see it through your actions.  Keep in mind that your child is feeling a great loss of security, even abandonment. Give your child the opportunity to respond, and do your part to listen closely in return. Be mindful that trust has been lost. Work to rebuild it with your child. 

 2. Ask your child how she or he feels about the divorce. Respectfully listen to what is said. A child’s voice is just as important as an adult’s voice.  He or she needs to know you are hearing what is being said. It may be painful for you, but communicating, giving your child opportunities to share how she or he is feeling are critical for you all. It is not about you, it is about your child’s well-being.

 3. Seek professional counseling with your child.  Having a third party that listens and gives advice in neutral territory for the benefit of every family member is needed. Going to counseling together will show your child that you genuinely care. It will positively reinforce to your child that he or she does have a voice!

 4. With custody and co-parenting decisions being made, think realistically about what will be best for your child.  Remember it is not about you, it is about your child.  Which one of you has been the main 24/7 parent there with your child? Which one of you is working outside of the home the majority of the time? Being realistic, and accepting what is best for your child is critical.

 5. Accommodate and respect your child’s daily life, schooling, extracurricular activities, sports teams, dance lessons, scouting activities, etc. Your child needs to know you are there to respect and support what he or she does day in and day out.  Change your visitation schedule if your child has a big scouting trip, a baseball game or dance recital.  Don’t make them miss their important shining moments. Show them they matter, be there to cheer them on! Be supportive as your child develops his or her own talents. 

Children need security, unconditional love and respect from their parents. Listening, and hearing children's voices is paramount to their ability to gain confidence, knowing what they think, how they feel and what they wish to do with their life matters. You will reap many rewards down the road, as well. A positive, trustworthy relationship with your child will be the result, because you chose to honor your child's voice.  As your child becomes an adult, he or she will have confidence in knowing that what they say, how they feel and what they do with their life does matter. What a difference you will make by honoring your own child's voice!